Day 4 - The One Who Catches Me All the Time and How Not to Fall

30 November 2016


It's Bonifacio Day, a holiday.

I started the day in active prayer as I folded some of our clothes, cooked caldereta, and washed the pans and dishes. Another reflection came upon me: All this time I have been hurting about all the times when I have been left to face consequences of our joint doing alone. But who has always been there to catch me when I fall? Jesus.

Jesus won't ever leave me, and St. Joseph has never left Mary and Jesus.

***
After completing all the morning's chores, I joined the Siklab Bayani rally. I realized that joining rallies isn't just about taking a political stand; it is to make a moral conviction.

"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." - Alexander Hamilton

Day 3 - The Darkness Around Me

29 November 2016


I woke up in the middle of the night with the most horrible nightmare one could ever have: a diabolic possession. I was slurring words in the dream and heard piercing screams plus my daughter's lonely cries at the time when I was going through depression and a woman's ecstatic screams. My body felt numb after waking up from lying on my back with my arms pinned above my head then I felt a warm touch moving over the right side of my body.

Despite all of this, I remained calm and at peace declaring the name of Jesus Christ as I sent out the force whatever it was.

It is strange that I am reminded of one person by the experience.

***
I texted my spiritual counselor about the experience and she gave me prayers that I can recite. I also took the opportunity to consult with her what I suspect as hexes sent to me by at least three women—an aggrieved ex of a former boyfriend; his cousin who heavily practices occultism through reiki and energy healing, and intervened at the time when he and i were in need of healing; and a "business partner" who is also deeply into the occult using crystals and figures of false gods to attract wealth and people.

My counselor sent this advice:

The proper question to ask though is why is the curse / spell working? In this cases the problem is usually a lack of forgiveness toward the person who hurled the curse. Once the forgiveness is given, the curse is broken and liberation  occurs.

Day 2 - Darkness in Me, in Others, and the World

28 November 2016

We lighted the first candle of our Advent wreath at the 12:30 Fellowship, and went through a prayer exercise that allowed us to come into terms with the different kinds of darkness in our lives.

In the world, I am everyday challenged by the political lies and deceptions that veil selfish and divisive designs. Among others, I contend with a personal desire to bring to light ungodly ways, false leaders, selfish ambitions, and materialistic inclinations. But surprisingly, I had more darkness to dispel within myself than with others and the rest of the world. I struggle with detachment and forgiveness; aspire for the humility to submit myself fully to the will of Abba and the love of Christ.

As we confronted our darknesses, we lit up our own candles of hope and prayer. May the coming of Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, dispel all the persons, places, and situations that oppress us. May Christ liberate me from the chains of attachment, anger, hurt, and unforgiveness.

With Christ, I am promised of a good life.

Day 1 - Bathroom Reflections

Photo Source: Clean and Go Team

27 November 2016


I spent the first day of Advent doing the chore that I like the least: cleaning the bathroom. I always wince at the sight of all the grime and mildew that has accumulated over time, and the hefty task of removing them. Nonetheless, when the gloves have been dropped and my hands, bare and wet, I could get pretty intense.

So in the middle of brushing and scrubbing surfaces, and every nook and cranny of our little bathroom, several reflections came upon me. This allowed me to conclude that my occasional bathroom and toilet dreams had to do with the states of my soul in certain times and its own summons for cleansing.

First Reflection: Christian Minimalism

In my desire to put my life in order, I have mistakenly sought "wisdom" from ideologies that little by little, led me into occult (new age like feng shui, reiki, crystal, and energy healing) practice. Gratefully, by God's grace, I found the light and renounced all of them recently, turning to God and completely surrendering my life to His will. As a Catholic in renewal, life has become simple once again.

Keeping life simple and modest is a Christian ideal that has its own practical benefits in this workaday world. Owning less cures greed, a mortal sin that can eventually corrupt the soul, and opens an opportunity to practice the virtue of generosity. At the same time, keeping only a few possessions makes cleaning easy, pests at bay, and spaces breathable.

Finding joy in simple things is finding God.

Second Reflection: Ideals of St. Joseph the Worker

I went through several struggles in praying my novena to St. Joseph in my desire to find a good husband. The first time I prayed for St. Joseph's intercession several years ago, I lacked the conviction to finish, spiritually aware that I was not ready yet for a godly relationship. The second time I prayed, again, I did not finish because I was unable to detach myself from certain attractions and emotions that were preventing me from receiving God's grace. That time was one of the most difficult struggles in my prayer life. A few weeks later, after some attempt at spiritual cleansing, I finally completed the novena to St. Joseph. The fruit of the nine days of faithful prayer is a realization of my unworthiness. I had to look up to Mama Mary and strive to be like her through her virtues so that I could be deserving of a man like Joseph and a holy family that would be pleasing to God's eyes.

My devotion to St. Joseph did not end with the novena. He has been a faithful friend who constantly reminds me of the kind of treatment that I should allow in my daughter and I's lives, and more importantly, desire for in a man. Yes, I pray for a man like St. Joseph---simple, hardworking, steady, dependable, and with quiet strength and moral conviction. He stood by Mama Mary and took her and Jesus under his care despite all the risks and odds.

Third Reflection: Loving Christ

The consolation that came along with my reflections became so overwhelming at some point that I was crying as I brushed the rust off the stainless caddy. Since I came back to God, and in Him alone, I have been struggling hard against my own weaknesses---sometimes, out of fear of being away from His grace but lately, mainly out of love and gratitude. Tears started to fall when I acknowledged that loving Jesus Christ is the hardest but I was consoled by his faithfulness. The truth is Jesus won't ever let me down. He has never left me despite all my mistakes and disloyalties. When I am lost and afraid, He leads me. When I am at my weakest, He carries me. When I am at my worst, He loves me. Just loves me. To Him, I am the most beautiful person in the world. He has never denied me and he will never ever abandon me.

As I have written a few weeks ago:

• Jesus Christ is the most ardent lover one can ever have in her life. Knowing His peace and unconditional, persevering love gives wisdom to discernment. No woman who has been touched by Jesus would let herself to be treated less, more so diabolically.