This Christmas is especially meaningful for me because I have waited and worked hard to be somehow worthy of receiving who is to come. It has been a year of bringing to light all darkness—of finding people from my past walking by so I can forgive them in an instant (though some didn't ask nor seemed to deserve it) or muster the courage to face their darkness (as with he-who-must-not-be
-named yesterday); of discovering the roots of all my struggles with sin and pain so I can bring them to Jesus to heal; and of sharing in His experience by embracing suffering and following His humility and charity. For all these things, I discovered how God works and how His grace allows and protects.
I've come undone by choosing "the road less travelled"—away from all the lies of worldly happiness—so I may travel light. No more sad goodbyes as I've said them; no more words left unspoken as I have mostly apologized and forgiven. Never again looking back, I step ahead towards the light with a heart full of trust. This Christmas, I choose to journey Christ who is my way, my truth, and my life. From barren deserts, I trust that He will lead me to God's promised land where I will thrive in an abundance of love, peace, and joy. All good things come to those who love Him.
Thank you, Mama Mary and St. Joseph for leading me to your son.
Merry Christmas!
Thursday, December 22, 2016
Special Entry: Thank Them
20 December 2016
Resist what is repressed, perverted, sick, and evil.
Thank those who put us in the dark for it is by them that we search for the light and learn to forgive. And if they return humility and charity with insult and contempt, just think of the one who was betrayed, mocked, and crucified before us (by sinners, of all!). God is close to the brokenhearted; trust that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him.
Resist what is repressed, perverted, sick, and evil.
Thank those who put us in the dark for it is by them that we search for the light and learn to forgive. And if they return humility and charity with insult and contempt, just think of the one who was betrayed, mocked, and crucified before us (by sinners, of all!). God is close to the brokenhearted; trust that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him.
Special Entry: Revealing Santa
THE BIG REVELATION – And so this is how I revealed the true identity of Krissy's Santa: First, I picked a good setting, then I let her read 6 year-old Gabriel's letter to Santa. On her own, Krissy offered to "give not just Gabriel's needs but his wants as well." (Thanks Jharren for the link that gave me an idea.) Then I gradually brought the topic to Santa, watching her reactions as I proceeded with the revelation. I sensed a bit of her disappointment though she clarified that she believes in St. Nicholas. To me, it was an opportunity to tell her how much I loved her and wanted to make her Christmases special and memorable. I then finally let her read the mysterious blog post that almost made Santa known to her prematurely—twice.
We ended our talk on a lighter note when Krissy asked, "Are you also the Tooth Fairy?"
***
Love Project - This Christmas, we were encouraged to make our own love project. I suggested playing Santa to kids like Gabriel and bringing noche buena to the tables of very poor families in Metro Manila—both projects of the priests who say mass at Guadalupe. Happy to say that with friends, we will be able to help 17 families.
We ended our talk on a lighter note when Krissy asked, "Are you also the Tooth Fairy?"
***
Love Project - This Christmas, we were encouraged to make our own love project. I suggested playing Santa to kids like Gabriel and bringing noche buena to the tables of very poor families in Metro Manila—both projects of the priests who say mass at Guadalupe. Happy to say that with friends, we will be able to help 17 families.
Sunday, December 18, 2016
Day 22 - Temptations
18 December 2016
It didn't take long for me to be tempted again. Why did I even look? Perhaps this is why we are told not to look back when we make our commitment to change. A new life. Lot's wife became a pillar of salt when she left Sodom. And so do I. I am once again awash with anger—once again feeling the brunt of my injuries. I do not deserve this. He is clearly not the one.
Perhaps such is the nature of evil. It will always seek to tempt and lure people out of their relationship with Christ. After every mental encounter with Vic, I feel disgusted, defiled, and violated. I renounce him completely.
With all this, I am reminded to pray so that I won't be tested, as well as not to engage sub-clinical psychopaths as nothing good will ever come out of it. If I feel remorseful now, it is not that I regret anything concerning Vic; it is that I have let Jesus down.
It didn't take long for me to be tempted again. Why did I even look? Perhaps this is why we are told not to look back when we make our commitment to change. A new life. Lot's wife became a pillar of salt when she left Sodom. And so do I. I am once again awash with anger—once again feeling the brunt of my injuries. I do not deserve this. He is clearly not the one.
Perhaps such is the nature of evil. It will always seek to tempt and lure people out of their relationship with Christ. After every mental encounter with Vic, I feel disgusted, defiled, and violated. I renounce him completely.
With all this, I am reminded to pray so that I won't be tested, as well as not to engage sub-clinical psychopaths as nothing good will ever come out of it. If I feel remorseful now, it is not that I regret anything concerning Vic; it is that I have let Jesus down.
Saturday, December 17, 2016
Day 21 - Taking His Hand
17 December 2016
Today ends my 9-day novena to Mary the Undoer of Knots. I celebrated the day with mass at the nearby Church and spent some moments with Jesus at the Adoration Chapel.
As we reach the fourth week of Advent, almost capping another season of waiting, I was struck by what the kind old priest said in the homily; it hasn't been easy making a discernment and more so, a commitment to turn my back on the wrongs in my life. Nonetheless, I have been able to make some courageous choices this year that I do not regret: coming back to the work where my time, talent, and treasures seek to serve God and grow in my faith, rather than being lured by a high-paying alternative; leaving some uncharitable friendships despite the prestige and all the free passes they offered; and finally saying goodbye to a relationship that has not only denied me of who I am and the kind of love, respect and recognition that I deserved. The worst part was it drew me away from God through sin, materialism, and belief in other gods through New Age, among many other alternative religions that he had been leading me to. By God's light, Vic's hidden life of darkness, repression, deception, and perversion had been revealed. While it shattered me to come into terms with the truth about his character, I realized that it is only through God that his strong psychopathic and diabolical tendencies will be healed, if he would ever choose to live in the light instead of deceit. It is beyond my power.
A beautiful picture came upon me as I prayed the first of the Joyful Mysteries in front of the Eucharist: I was on a path in a desert that reached a bright place where God awaits. At that specific point on the path, Jesus stood. He held out His hand for me. And I took it, at peace with the fruit of my discernment which is to let Jesus be my faithful companion in this journey towards God and His promised land. After all, He has never left me, never let me down, and just loved me faithfully and unconditionally.
As I begin to let Jesus be my way, my truth, and my life in this next chapter of my life, I would like to thank Mary, Our Mother. It would not have been possible to find Jesus and be wooed by this most ardent and faithful lover if it weren't for her.
And I thank God for sending me my own earthly mother, Belen, who planted the seed of love of Mama Mary in me by teaching us to pray the rosary at a young age and for my dad, Rolando, who modeled the very characteristics of St. Joseph, the father of Jesus.
It has been a spiritually meaningful Advent this year.
I am now ready for Christmas.
Today ends my 9-day novena to Mary the Undoer of Knots. I celebrated the day with mass at the nearby Church and spent some moments with Jesus at the Adoration Chapel.
As we reach the fourth week of Advent, almost capping another season of waiting, I was struck by what the kind old priest said in the homily; it hasn't been easy making a discernment and more so, a commitment to turn my back on the wrongs in my life. Nonetheless, I have been able to make some courageous choices this year that I do not regret: coming back to the work where my time, talent, and treasures seek to serve God and grow in my faith, rather than being lured by a high-paying alternative; leaving some uncharitable friendships despite the prestige and all the free passes they offered; and finally saying goodbye to a relationship that has not only denied me of who I am and the kind of love, respect and recognition that I deserved. The worst part was it drew me away from God through sin, materialism, and belief in other gods through New Age, among many other alternative religions that he had been leading me to. By God's light, Vic's hidden life of darkness, repression, deception, and perversion had been revealed. While it shattered me to come into terms with the truth about his character, I realized that it is only through God that his strong psychopathic and diabolical tendencies will be healed, if he would ever choose to live in the light instead of deceit. It is beyond my power.
A beautiful picture came upon me as I prayed the first of the Joyful Mysteries in front of the Eucharist: I was on a path in a desert that reached a bright place where God awaits. At that specific point on the path, Jesus stood. He held out His hand for me. And I took it, at peace with the fruit of my discernment which is to let Jesus be my faithful companion in this journey towards God and His promised land. After all, He has never left me, never let me down, and just loved me faithfully and unconditionally.
As I begin to let Jesus be my way, my truth, and my life in this next chapter of my life, I would like to thank Mary, Our Mother. It would not have been possible to find Jesus and be wooed by this most ardent and faithful lover if it weren't for her.
And I thank God for sending me my own earthly mother, Belen, who planted the seed of love of Mama Mary in me by teaching us to pray the rosary at a young age and for my dad, Rolando, who modeled the very characteristics of St. Joseph, the father of Jesus.
It has been a spiritually meaningful Advent this year.
I am now ready for Christmas.
Day 20 - My Discernment
16 December 2016
I began the day with confession at the Greenbelt chapel, had simple breakfast, and took a leisurely walk, albeit getting lost in the underpass, towards the office. I am grateful for priests who really take the time to give counsel and serve as instruments of God's mercy that opens our path to grace.
As sins of anger and jealousy prevented me from praying from the heart, I decided to take a break from my novena to Mary Undoer of Knots. Instead, I stayed up past midnight to go about Prayer Exercise 69, the prayer for Actual Choosing, in Wood for the Fire by Fr. Mon Bautista.
The first scriptural reading struck me like a hot rod: "Let no one deceive you with empty arguments, for because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the disobedient. So do not be associated by them." In the past few days, I was being tempted and lured into internal and psycho-virtual arguments by two people who represent the subjects of my discernment.
"For... now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light for light produces every kind of goodness and righteousness and truth."
"Take no part in the fruitless works of darkness; rather expose them."
"Try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord... try to understand the will of the Lord."
"This is how you can know the Spirit of God: every spirit that acknowledges Jesus Christ come in the flesh belongs to God, and anyone who knows God listens to us, while anyone who does not belong to God refuses to hear us. This is how we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of deceit."
***
"No, it is something very near to you, already in your mouths and in your hearts; you have only to carry it out."
I began the day with confession at the Greenbelt chapel, had simple breakfast, and took a leisurely walk, albeit getting lost in the underpass, towards the office. I am grateful for priests who really take the time to give counsel and serve as instruments of God's mercy that opens our path to grace.
As sins of anger and jealousy prevented me from praying from the heart, I decided to take a break from my novena to Mary Undoer of Knots. Instead, I stayed up past midnight to go about Prayer Exercise 69, the prayer for Actual Choosing, in Wood for the Fire by Fr. Mon Bautista.
The first scriptural reading struck me like a hot rod: "Let no one deceive you with empty arguments, for because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the disobedient. So do not be associated by them." In the past few days, I was being tempted and lured into internal and psycho-virtual arguments by two people who represent the subjects of my discernment.
"For... now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light for light produces every kind of goodness and righteousness and truth."
"Take no part in the fruitless works of darkness; rather expose them."
"Try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord... try to understand the will of the Lord."
"This is how you can know the Spirit of God: every spirit that acknowledges Jesus Christ come in the flesh belongs to God, and anyone who knows God listens to us, while anyone who does not belong to God refuses to hear us. This is how we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of deceit."
***
"No, it is something very near to you, already in your mouths and in your hearts; you have only to carry it out."
Day 19 - Cozy Christmas Party
15 December 2016
Simple, laidback and fun. I enjoyed our Christmas at work and I am grateful for all the gifts, the food, and the company that always welcomes my daughter. There is a lot of meaning in these simple occasions that bring together people who celebrate Christ's coming by praying and striving to do what pleases Him.
Although this day and the last had been a challenge to my patience and charity, God's spirit of mercy and forgiveness allowed me to enjoy and share the good. I prayed for a nice prize in the raffle so that I may pay it forward to the security & maintenance personnel at the condo who will be celebrating their Christmas party on the 17th. God gave me what is sufficient—a sturdy stand fan, and not the fancy home entertainment system.
Simple, laidback and fun. I enjoyed our Christmas at work and I am grateful for all the gifts, the food, and the company that always welcomes my daughter. There is a lot of meaning in these simple occasions that bring together people who celebrate Christ's coming by praying and striving to do what pleases Him.
Although this day and the last had been a challenge to my patience and charity, God's spirit of mercy and forgiveness allowed me to enjoy and share the good. I prayed for a nice prize in the raffle so that I may pay it forward to the security & maintenance personnel at the condo who will be celebrating their Christmas party on the 17th. God gave me what is sufficient—a sturdy stand fan, and not the fancy home entertainment system.
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